A heart filled with gratitude

First of all, my apologies for only writing this letter now. It is long overdue, but is has been a journey of nearly twenty-two months. I hope that I will be able to summarize all my thoughts and emotions and express myself accurately.

When I was admitted to hospital on 23 September 2016, I had no idea what lay ahead, but I immediately knew that the road ahead will not be easy. Just three days before, I told my mother “I think it is the hardest thing to give birth to a baby while you know that he has died. I will not be able to survive that”. Little did I realize what the future held and somehow I now know that God prepared my heart long in advance for His purpose far bigger than I could have imagined.

The physical pain experienced during my week in the hospital, is nothing in comparison to the emotional pain that you deal with every day after the birth (and after the initial shock wears off). The pain that can be a prison or a platform.
Ephesians 4:1 – Live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

During my hospital stay the song Oceans by Hillsong was on repeat “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the water, where ever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet would ever wander and my faith would be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.” Well it has been and still remains a very challenging journey, but one that I am very grateful for.
I decided that to be entrusted with pain is ultimately a privilege. It presented me with the opportunity to deepen my relationship with God, Francois and also other people who has experienced loss. Who would be able to speak hope, share grace and give encouragement if everything in life worked out perfectly? More people will be able to relate to your defeat than to your victory in any event. It also teaches us that Jesus does not conquer despite of the darkness of circumstances, but through it.

In my second pregnancy the goal was to fight fear and replace it with faith & worship on a daily basis. I also knew that God put me in the hands of the best doctor possible! Praise Him for that!!! THANK YOU for fighting the fear with me, with a calm approach. My mind is always racing and each consultation calms it down (at least for a week or two 😉).

2 October 2016 marked the most traumatic day of our lives and 25 April 2018 the most joyous! Thank you for being present for both and sharing this journey. It is the biggest privilege to be parents to the most adorable baby boy. He is so calm, friendly, strong and all the good things and I LOVE BEING HIS MOM!!! I pray that we will be able to bring more into this world and fill our home with lots of love!
Baie dankie dokter Wynie 😉 Ek is doc ewig dankbaar vir die feit dat dokter regtig jou gawes so goed aanwend. Julle verander letterlik soveel lewens. Myne kon nou soveel anders gelyk het.

Ons kyk na die mooiste fototjies van ons Thomas en raak sommer tranerig oor die boetie wat ons altyd sal mis en oor sal treur. Tog is elke dag nader aan die Ewigheid saam met hom en Jesus.

Ek bid dat ons die voorreg sal hê om nog (vele) Martinson babatjies in hierdie wêreld in te bring.
My hart bars van dankbaarheid teenoor dokter en span! Ek weet nie waste geskenk sal ooit groot genoeg wees om my dankbaarheid te toon nie!

Tot wedersiens!
Carmi